Do you know what three types of love are in your life? Let me tell you.
People supposedly fall in love three times during their lifetimes. Obviously, passing crushes are not included in this. You already know it’s true if you’ve had any of the three types of love I’m referring to. They are the first love, the hard love, and the quiet love.
These three types of love are available to us in life.
Further Reading: What Are the 5 Languages of Love? Things to Know
The First Love – the Love That Looks Right
Everything seems so exciting and doable when one is in love or experiencing a rush of emotions. I’m sure you can guess what I’m referring to your high school romance or your first love. The first love of the three types of love transcends all restrictions and barriers from which you have been protected your entire life.
You give your entire heart to the person you think you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with the tenderness of youth and the impatience for new experiences. There is no erasing the heart print left by the school romance where you sneak glances in the hallway or slyly sit next to each other.
You are only beginning to understand how much room your mind will give someone else. Because this love is destined to fail—at least for most people—you know it will always be unique. Even if you leave them behind for any of the thousand reasons the universe offers, your first love will forever change the way you view relationships.
Have you ever questioned why, of the three types of love, our first love has the greatest impact on us and has a big influence on all of our subsequent relationships? The first time we fall in love, our brain develops an addiction, according to numerous studies.
Since we typically encounter this kind of love during adolescence, when our brains are still developing, this experience is crucial because it serves as the basis for subsequent relationships.
The Second Love – the Hard Love
The difficult, problematic love (there may be more than one, of course) is what follows our first love. Compared to our first love, we are more mature when we get there because we have come to understand the value of our character and the necessity of acting on our desires.
Additionally, our partner most likely belongs to the same evolutionary stage as us. As a result, love is built as a series of conflicts over how we perceive the world to operate. We will give it everything we have because this time we won’t accept a love that doesn’t work just for the sake of having it.
However, we are still of the opinion that love requires constant work to be successful. Because an incompatibility can be concealed behind any detail and every conflict needs to be resolved definitively, we fight on all fronts, even if it’s for trivial issues.
In this kind of love, we tend to pay close attention to every detail and avoid ignoring anything. The use of unconventional weapons, such as manipulation, passive-aggressive behaviors, and even some type of abuse, whether physical or psychological, is common. The kind of love that causes problems is the kind of love we wanted.
Problematic relationships persist until we realize we are concentrating too much on how to make them work rather than considering the possibility that perhaps they simply aren’t meant to be.
A love that is problematic can be followed by other relationships that are problematic in a similar manner. This is because it is very likely that we will continue to have problematic relationships as long as we have high expectations for love and as long as we are convinced that we must have someone to love no matter what.
And depending on our decision, one of them might also be the one that will endure forever. Or, one day, we may realize that our character has already been established, that it is impossible to change it on our own or allow others to do so, and that our expectations for the meaning of love have been greatly reduced.
So perhaps we will find ourselves alone once more. And we’ll get ready for the final kind of love.
The Third Love – the Quiet Love
The final phase of love is the one that lasts effortlessly and naturally. Because it lacks the extreme high and low emotional peaks of previous loves, it is known as quiet love. Typically, it happens unexpectedly, without our asking or looking, and often with people who don’t fit our preconceived notions of the ideal life partner.
It gives you an explanation for why all of your previous relationships didn’t work out. When you hear actors in the movies say, “Oh that person swept me off my feet”, they don’t mean grand gestures, presents, or public shows of affection, they mean that a certain person came into their life when they were least expecting it.
Someone who you don’t have to hide your insecurities from and who simply accepts you for who you are, and who, surprisingly, you also accept for who they are. Finally, you will realize how the commitment element will change your perspective on the relationship and give you a new perspective. Lust, intimacy, and commitment will all be present in this love.
All of your previous preconceptions, which you vowed to uphold, will be destroyed by your third love. No matter how hard you try to run the other way, you will constantly feel a pull in the opposite direction. You’ll allow this love to transform you into the best version of yourself.